SELF LOVE

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on." And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective...........This is your awakening You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10".... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval. Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with her touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment. You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go. Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the woman on your arm. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

finding a way

"Obstacles help us uncover the difference between what we truly want and what we merely think we want." but the problem im having is set aside from both of those two aspects, im not quite sure what i have, or where im headed, or whos even coming with me. I just know right now, in this state of mind ive reached my core and ive finally been broken in. I never imagined me here, lost, confused and feeling distinguished beyond control. So many questions left unanswered, that i just cant seem to find the answer to. WHY? thats the question i always find myself stuck on and i know the answer isnt in me but i cant seem to stop asking myself WHY because im the one here stuck woundering where things went wrong? && what happen to make things fall apart? WHY? WHY NOW? WHY US? As these last teardrops begin to fall, i realize that i needed a few more to fall so that i could fully understand, because in the mist of all those tears, I FINALLY GOT IT. I understand that no matter how many tears you shed, or how many times you look them in eye and say "I love you" or how many times they hear you grasping for your last breath; it doesnt change the fact that their pullying away and pushing you in the opposite direction. WHY? you still dont have the answer, so now that feeling that you been having comes rushing back. That feeling when you can be wrapped up in so much love, but yet you still feel all alone, that ISOLATED feeling. That feeling when your up all night crying and struggling to breathe, that DEHYDRATED feeling. That feeling when you start doubting yourself because all those insecurites that they help set aside is now part of that WHY? and your still STUCK!

Scared

YOU WiLL NEVER KNOW HOW i TRULY FEEL. i WiLL NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO SHOW YOU MY WEAKNESSES THAT I HOLD WITHIN. TO YOU iM ALWAYS HAPPY, BUT THAT LEAVES YOU NOT KNOWING HOW MUCH YOU REALLY HURT ME, AND NO MORE I CAN INDURE. iM SCARED TO TELL YOU HOW I TRULY FILL, EVEN THOUGH IM TIRED OF WEARING THIS REPEATED DISGUISE. i WONDER iF MY FEELiNGS EVEN MATTER TO YOU. CAN YOU SEE HOW MUCH i LOVE YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE? HAVE YOU EVER NOTiCED THE LOOK UPON MY FACE WHEN i AM AROUND YOU? IF i TELL YOU HOW i REALLY FEEL DO YOU PROMiSE THAT YOU WONT EVER LOOK AT ME DiFFERENT? CAN i TRUST YOU? i DONT KNOW. i FEEL SO ALONE WHEN i DON'T LET MY FRUSTRATiONS OUT. i FEEL LiKE iM CRYiNG OUT LOUD BUT NOONE HEARS ME. iTS JUST ME AND THE DARK. COULD iT BE THAT i AM SHY? OR COULD iT BE THAT i AM SCARED OF GETTiNG HURT ALL OVER AGAIN? SOMETiMES i FEEL LiKE YOU'RE THERE BUT WHEN i TALK YOU NEVER HEAR ME. ARE YOU LISTENING? iM SCARED OF KNOWiNG iF YOU'RE HAPPY WiTH ME. i JUST WANT TO GiVE YOU THE BEST BECAUSE YOU DESERVE iT. BUT iM SO SCARED i DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO iT. PLEASE FORGiVE ME FOR BEiN SCARED..JUST KNOW THAT ONE DAY i WiLL NO LONGER HAVE TO HiDE iN THE DARK AND YOU WiLL THEN KNOW HOW i REALLY FEEL

LOVE

LOVE iSN'T EVERYTHiNG PEOPLE MAKE iT OUT TO BE. JUST BECAUSE THEY TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU iT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY REALLY MEAN iT. FOLLOW YOUR HEART. iT NEVER LiES. iF YOU FEEL SOMETHiNG iSN'T RiGHT FOR YOU JUST LEAVE iT ALONE AND MOVE ON. DON'T STAY AND FEED iNTO iT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO iS GOiNG TO GET HURT iN THE END. YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM LOVE YOU. THE HARDEST THiNG iN LiFE TO DO iS LEAVE THE ONE YOU LOVE BUT iF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY AND YOU'RE NOT GETTiNG THE LOVE YOU DESERVE THEN YOU DON'T NEED iT. JUST KNOW THAT ONE DAY YOU WiLL GET THE ONE YOU REALLY DESERVE. NEVER GiVE YOUR ALL iN A RELATiONSHiP iF THEiR NOT GiViN THEiR ALL TO YOU. iT'S NOT WORTH GETTiN HURT OVER. BE STRONG ABOUT YOU'RE DECiSiON ABOUT LETTiNG GO. iT'S THE RiGHT THiNG TO DO. JUST HAVE FAiTH iN YOURSELF. & JUST KNOW THAT THiNGS WiLL GET BETTER. DON'T FEEL GUiLTY FOR BEiN CURiOUS ABOUT THE SiTUATiON [[YOU'RE DOiNG THE RiGHT THiNG FOR LOOKiNG OUT FOR YOURSELF]]iT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE ACCUSiNG THEM OF ANYTHiNG BUT YOU JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW B4 YOU GET YOUR HEART BROKEN. ALWAYS GiVE SECOND CHANCES TO THE ONE YOU LOVE..ESPECiALLY iF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE DOiNG ANYTHiNG WRONG SO THERE FOR WHEN THEY MESS UP YOU CAN FEEL LiKE YOU DiD THE RiGHT THiNG.