finding a way

"Obstacles help us uncover the difference between what we truly want and what we merely think we want." but the problem im having is set aside from both of those two aspects, im not quite sure what i have, or where im headed, or whos even coming with me. I just know right now, in this state of mind ive reached my core and ive finally been broken in. I never imagined me here, lost, confused and feeling distinguished beyond control. So many questions left unanswered, that i just cant seem to find the answer to. WHY? thats the question i always find myself stuck on and i know the answer isnt in me but i cant seem to stop asking myself WHY because im the one here stuck woundering where things went wrong? && what happen to make things fall apart? WHY? WHY NOW? WHY US? As these last teardrops begin to fall, i realize that i needed a few more to fall so that i could fully understand, because in the mist of all those tears, I FINALLY GOT IT. I understand that no matter how many tears you shed, or how many times you look them in eye and say "I love you" or how many times they hear you grasping for your last breath; it doesnt change the fact that their pullying away and pushing you in the opposite direction. WHY? you still dont have the answer, so now that feeling that you been having comes rushing back. That feeling when you can be wrapped up in so much love, but yet you still feel all alone, that ISOLATED feeling. That feeling when your up all night crying and struggling to breathe, that DEHYDRATED feeling. That feeling when you start doubting yourself because all those insecurites that they help set aside is now part of that WHY? and your still STUCK!

Scared

YOU WiLL NEVER KNOW HOW i TRULY FEEL. i WiLL NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO SHOW YOU MY WEAKNESSES THAT I HOLD WITHIN. TO YOU iM ALWAYS HAPPY, BUT THAT LEAVES YOU NOT KNOWING HOW MUCH YOU REALLY HURT ME, AND NO MORE I CAN INDURE. iM SCARED TO TELL YOU HOW I TRULY FILL, EVEN THOUGH IM TIRED OF WEARING THIS REPEATED DISGUISE. i WONDER iF MY FEELiNGS EVEN MATTER TO YOU. CAN YOU SEE HOW MUCH i LOVE YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE? HAVE YOU EVER NOTiCED THE LOOK UPON MY FACE WHEN i AM AROUND YOU? IF i TELL YOU HOW i REALLY FEEL DO YOU PROMiSE THAT YOU WONT EVER LOOK AT ME DiFFERENT? CAN i TRUST YOU? i DONT KNOW. i FEEL SO ALONE WHEN i DON'T LET MY FRUSTRATiONS OUT. i FEEL LiKE iM CRYiNG OUT LOUD BUT NOONE HEARS ME. iTS JUST ME AND THE DARK. COULD iT BE THAT i AM SHY? OR COULD iT BE THAT i AM SCARED OF GETTiNG HURT ALL OVER AGAIN? SOMETiMES i FEEL LiKE YOU'RE THERE BUT WHEN i TALK YOU NEVER HEAR ME. ARE YOU LISTENING? iM SCARED OF KNOWiNG iF YOU'RE HAPPY WiTH ME. i JUST WANT TO GiVE YOU THE BEST BECAUSE YOU DESERVE iT. BUT iM SO SCARED i DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO iT. PLEASE FORGiVE ME FOR BEiN SCARED..JUST KNOW THAT ONE DAY i WiLL NO LONGER HAVE TO HiDE iN THE DARK AND YOU WiLL THEN KNOW HOW i REALLY FEEL

LOVE

LOVE iSN'T EVERYTHiNG PEOPLE MAKE iT OUT TO BE. JUST BECAUSE THEY TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU iT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY REALLY MEAN iT. FOLLOW YOUR HEART. iT NEVER LiES. iF YOU FEEL SOMETHiNG iSN'T RiGHT FOR YOU JUST LEAVE iT ALONE AND MOVE ON. DON'T STAY AND FEED iNTO iT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO iS GOiNG TO GET HURT iN THE END. YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM LOVE YOU. THE HARDEST THiNG iN LiFE TO DO iS LEAVE THE ONE YOU LOVE BUT iF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY AND YOU'RE NOT GETTiNG THE LOVE YOU DESERVE THEN YOU DON'T NEED iT. JUST KNOW THAT ONE DAY YOU WiLL GET THE ONE YOU REALLY DESERVE. NEVER GiVE YOUR ALL iN A RELATiONSHiP iF THEiR NOT GiViN THEiR ALL TO YOU. iT'S NOT WORTH GETTiN HURT OVER. BE STRONG ABOUT YOU'RE DECiSiON ABOUT LETTiNG GO. iT'S THE RiGHT THiNG TO DO. JUST HAVE FAiTH iN YOURSELF. & JUST KNOW THAT THiNGS WiLL GET BETTER. DON'T FEEL GUiLTY FOR BEiN CURiOUS ABOUT THE SiTUATiON [[YOU'RE DOiNG THE RiGHT THiNG FOR LOOKiNG OUT FOR YOURSELF]]iT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE ACCUSiNG THEM OF ANYTHiNG BUT YOU JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW B4 YOU GET YOUR HEART BROKEN. ALWAYS GiVE SECOND CHANCES TO THE ONE YOU LOVE..ESPECiALLY iF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE DOiNG ANYTHiNG WRONG SO THERE FOR WHEN THEY MESS UP YOU CAN FEEL LiKE YOU DiD THE RiGHT THiNG.